As the front sliding glass doors spread open I find myself standing behind the juice bar counter of the Pasadena Whole Foods. There is a plethora of departments at this grocery store. The juice bar has been my favorite department to work in my short tenure. I love that I can see everyone as they come into the store. Face after face I watch people come in and in my mind, I can turn them into whoever I think they might be. Helping pass the time I turn the elderly balding Asian gentleman who browses the produce department into a professor of architecture at Pasadena City College.  My favorite versions of these lives I dream up are the ones that involve someone seeing me and having the power to change my life for the better. 

Sometime last week a woman who I’d guess was in her 50 approached the juice bar. She was on a phone that didn’t sound like a business call but didn’t not sound like one. Dressed in all white she began to order and stopped to tell me that I looked healthy in a way she aspired to. How she spoke to me made me feel like she might be a casting director. As she grabbed her juice and waved goodbye I knew she was not sent into the Pasadena Whole Foods to pick me up and drag me to stardom. Still, these dreams and lives I placed on people proceeded. This was all I had I mean I am only working in the juice bar. 

As my time spent in the juice bar of the Pasadena Whole Foods nears the end reality slowly shifts back into focus. It’s easy to let hope lie inside what is pretend. letting life take you where it may and allowing that level of carelessness to present you with what you want is an idea that is entirely pretend. Tom Brady didn’t look at the football sign-up sheet and say I don’t know if I should sign up maybe someone will see me throw the football and ask me to play. He signed up and put himself in a position to improve and grow. The number of people who lack the self-awareness to see this can be alarming. No one is an alien with a superpower you don’t have. It’s okay to want things but be unable to step up to the plate and grab them. Thats normal

This morning I found myself in this position. I desperately want to live in the pretend for just a little longer. Thank god my last day is Monday and I will be set free. It’s on me to take control of my life and stop buying into the idea of chance. If it will be it’s up to me. I want to know what the lady in all white does, so next time I should ask. Why am I so scared to live in what I want to know? Is it socially acceptable to tell a stranger that they seem like someone you’d enjoy knowing? I want to live in that place, it's who I am. What I desire is to be accepted in my curiosity and bravery. I guess I still have to get there first. 

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• Fear (Live) by Armlock: I’ve been seeing these guys name a bunch due to becoming label mates as of late. I finally listened and loved everything about this