Today I volunteered for the first time at 2220 Arts + Archives. The event was for Constance Debré's newest English translation, Name. I bought a copy I’m a huge fan. I was asked to show up at 6:30 and I showed up windows down blasting pavement at 6. I looped the block a few times and called my girlfriend. My mom called and told me for the second time today that Washington State might get a tornado tomorrow. I told her that I hoped that wouldn't happen and I walked inside 2220 Arts + Archives. They gave me the lay of the land and we were off to the races. I didn't have to take any tickets just hold down the fort. The event starts and a few familiar faces walk through the door. There was a wave of people that showed up well over an hour late. I decided to let them in and last in the queue was a homeless woman. I decided I didn't want to be the one who was going to treat this person like they weren't still human so I let her in. 

I wish you could see the way people jumped when she walked into the room. You can't but just know that they did. The people's reaction took me out of the reading and put me in my head. Life has become so boring I thought. I thought this was the crowd that wanted to call the homeless the houseless because it humanizes them.  Everything has become so buttoned up. People want the benefit of looking good without having to first get dirty to then be clean. I want to be dirty. I want to live in my truth. I want to have something to say and to think about when I wake up in the morning. If I'm honest I'm not living the way I want to. Not as of late but tonight felt like a step forward. I put myself out there and walked away with something new to think about. I want to live a more interesting life than the one I’m living. To do that I have to change.

Can people change? 

I used to think.  I haven't been doing a lot of thinking lately. I don't want to be honest about the thoughts that are in my head. I saw someone tonight I once considered a friend. I don't anymore. I hadn't heard from him in about 8 months. I thought we were close. When I saw him I asked where he had went. He had excuses I didn't have the time. I let him know that it was fine and I just thought we were close. He had no comment for mine. When you decide to test something and let it go you have to be okay with it not coming back to you. When I’m okay with the honesty that feels great. When I’m not ready to be honest it hurts like a broken heart. What I’ve had the hardest time being honest about lately is my need to know that anything can end in my life and that I can be fine. It feels bad to want to know that about things you don't want to end. Then you feel guilty, why should I be thinking about the end when things are just getting going? What I remembered tonight is that with that knowledge comes the knowledge that no matter what happens you can be okay. 

• “The Men Were His Life”: Inside the Sordid World of Photographer David Hurles: I loved reading this story. It's inspiring to see an artist become so obsessive. I love the quote the men were his life.
• Vernon Maxwell's Hilarious NBA Stories, MJ Battles, Trash Talk and Fights: I thought this was funnier than any stand-up that's come out this year. This shit is incredible 
• Cotton Crown by The Tubs: This record just came out and is some of the best indie rock out there rn!