If I told you who I was would you believe me? Today was my second to last day working at the Pasadena Whole Foods. It might be my shortest stint at a job yet. There's a part of me somewhere that is so relieved that I don’t have to work there anymore. Tonight as I walked out those big sliding glass doors for what could be the second to last time ever I felt a great deal of sadness. As I stood in the parking garage fumbling for my keys I remembered what I told myself years ago during my final days at Fastenal. “Things might never be like this again”.

This doesn't only hold true for my time at Whole Foods or the 3 dust-filled years I spent working in a warehouse. It also holds true for everything happening concurrently with my time at these low-paying jobs in my personal life. When I recall my trials and tribulations in the rearview that is my past. Whatever job I had at that moment always sits up top like the header. The jobs themselves were never as important as they became when they started to represent chapters in my life. Some chapters were longer than others. 

When I applied for Whole Foods, I applied at every store in a ten-mile radius of my house. It must’ve been fate when I randomly got a call from the Pasadena location asking me to come in for an interview. Around that time I was finally starting to feel homesick. Summer had started and nothing in LA reminded me of home. Then for no rhyme or reason, I found myself in Pasadena and found a little piece of LA that felt like home. With the ideal time to kill, I started to find myself driving around the backstreet of Pasadena like I was a kid again.  I wanted to be there as much as I could and to my luck, I got the job. 

Everything I had enfired about the job at the two-week mark left me feeling as if I might have fucked up. I naively had always wanted to work at a grocery store so I was excited to be there. The buzz of the new job started to wane as I realized I’d be there 5 days a week and not make much of anything with just my hourly rate. I didn't get the chill part-time job restacking bananas and flirting with my co-workers like I thought. What I did find in the warehouse-sized grocery store that is the Pasadena Whole Foods was something much better.

I found real people behind the juice bar and in the bakery. Ones with a whole life lived behind them and a ton more left. With stories and guidance much richer than the tiramisu I was tasked with staking on the shelf. At times these people were so vulnerable and sincere with me that I had to try my best to hold back tears as I helped customers. I’d be lying if I said thinking about that moment didn't make me cry now. Hearing these people tell me about mistakes they’ve made, the people they’ve lost, and how they continue to get up every day and remain positive. 

I often forget how key positivity is to prosperity. If you believe good things can and will happen to you. Everything good that ever came into my life started by having that mindset. It truly comes back to the “if it's to be it's up to me” ideology and a little luck. Somewhere not too long ago I started to feel small. I began thinking that maybe my character was in question and I might not be as deserving of having good things in my life. As the days passed the box I had walked myself into and dropped the key just outside the door as it swung shut got smaller. The walls began to close in on me. I had yet to pick up the tools to weather the storm and instead tried to denounce it. Drowning in negativing brought me back and reborn as someone I didn't recognize. 

Today I sit here with my eyes rubbed red, my heart still full of emotion, and a chest covered in sweat from thinking about all of it too much. I decided that I wanted to let go of what is negative and what is beyond my control. I can still find it in myself to believe that I deserve all that is good and heading in my direction. These are things I knew but with a little tough love from my friends, these are now things I understand. They say your character is most in question when no one is there to see you do the right thing. Today I want to move forward with positivity and to feel secure in my actions to stop second-guessing everything. I know this is just the beginning of something much grander. When I look back on it I’ll always have to bookmark it with my time spent at the Pasadena Whole Foods. 

• The Kidnapping I Can’t Escape: I really enjoyed reading this story today. It’s always refreshing to be validated in what is human
• Rhyme or reason by Why Bonnie: I love this band and am excited that they're still writing greeting songs that make me wanna pull out the guitar. 
• Sorry by Cryogeyser: I think this song is awesome maybe my favorite that made it into the milk yet