People wake up and find love every day. Somewhere in America today thanks to a BBQ and a few Miller High Life’s someone will meet the love of their life. It’s hard to know these statistics and not wonder when the numbers will line up for you. In the great words of my dear friend WeedHeavySpliff, you just have to not care. You would think for something as important and grand as love you would need to care a lot. Time has shown that unfortunately, that is not true. Every time I’ve ever met someone and smelt the stench of love in the air it was only after I had thrown my hands up in defeat. 

Some people are born with the IDGAF gene. Those people are often tall, and skinny, and started smoking weed in middle school. They seem two steps ahead of you. These are usually the friends you make as you want more independence as an adolescent. When I think of this person in my life I think of Dorshawn Suttle. He made me want to be cool. I was the complete opposite when I met him. I care too much. I was never tall or skinny and was the last person to smoke weed in our friend group. As time passes people drift closer to who they are and become statues of themselves. 

I grew up and took things I learned from Dorshawn in stride, keeping what I liked and turning my nose up to the things I didn’t. One thing I wish I had from him was the ability to let go. When things didn't go his way never did he labor over it. At 28 I’m still sitting on the opposite side of the table from him, constantly trying to find the why in everything. Why do people find love on a Tuesday and not on a Sunday? Sometimes it's because they stopped looking on a Monday. 

Life plays out in ways that aren’t built on anything other than happen stance but we often can’t step aside and believe they have nothing to do with us. I want love but can I get out of my way to find it? The truth is uncomfortable and annoying because it almost always tells you the thing you’d rather not be hearing. Someone I look up to said, “You either have to care the most or not at all”. Those two extremes are where life's most beautiful moments happen. I think when I’m not getting what I want out of my life it's because I can't get to either side of that coin. 

Today my goal is to enjoy the day and get out of my way. I can want love and care about it but only if I'm ready to care the most. If I’m not that's okay but I probably need to stop lying to myself and realize maybe that's not what I want right now. What I care about the most right now is up for question but I still have time to figure that part out. 

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• Copper Blue by Sugar: I made dinner and listened to this album for the first time last night and now I wish I was in this band
• Nearly Lost You By Screaming Trees: I watched this video for the first time last night. I love being from Washington and the melody in this song
• Ghosting is an inescapable part of dating. Is it ever ok?: I read this today and man sometimes its so hard to feel like were not living at the end of the timeline.