Rejection feels better than I remember. I told my therapist I had to ask her out. If I didn't, “she would know that I have desires I am unable to act on”. So I asked. She didn't respond. It didn't hurt at all. I thought about it. I stopped thinking about it. All of it felt better than not ever having done any of it. I can move forward. This feels like the beginning of the rest of my life. For the first time in a long time strangers aren't scary and exciting they're just exciting. This energy is contagious and builds on itself I’m finding. It's changing me. On Friday I went to A Good Used Book’s one-year anniversary party. To my surprise anthony and I actually met people at an event in LA. We bonded with our new friends over our mutual interest in the raffle that was taking place and being some of the only not white people in the room. 

As the raffle continued I noticed the girl in the group kept grabbing my arm whenever I said something funny. When the raffle ended and people started clearing the room. She looked at my and said I love your energy. We said our goodbyes and walked out. I stopped and looked back into the store. There she stood on the otherside of the window all alone. Despite being with a group of guys i felt like she wasnt with any of them. I turned to anthony and said I’m going to ask for her number. In that moment it felt like a no brainner for the frist time in my life. As soon as I walked back in the guys she was with circled back and surrounded her. I got scared and walked back outside. I was gonna just let it go but then she walked on. Something clicked and I just walked up and asked. She gave me her number and that was that. 

This week I’ve learned that people will take me for who I tell them I am. The real game to all of this is to not get in my head about it. I decided to keep the streak going and I asked a friend of a friend to hang out who i think is very cute. My size. At first she replied stating that she didnt have the number saved and needed some reminded of who was on the other end. In that moment I froze. It took me a whole day to respond. Then I did. She said she was down to hang out and as I write it looks like we might hang out on friday. I dont think any of the people have thought as hard about any of this as I have. That makes me want to stop thinking about it at all. We’re all just people with desire. I am not going to shy away from mine anymore. When you’re sure it sures up everything else. I told someone recently that then only way out is up. That seems truer now than ever. 

P.S. as I’ve mentioned before. My only promotional tool at the moment is word of mouth. So If you find something in these that resonates with you. I would really appreciate it if you could share with your world. Thanks - The Cow

• NFL by Lil Uzi Vert: this might be the coolest lil uzi vert has ever been to me.
• Bring Back Meeting In Real Life by Magdalene J. Taylor: I was going to quote this for todays milk but I didnt. I think its a good read. I like this writer a lot. I wish she gave more of herself in the writing tho. 
• On the Run by Oldstar: S/O Oldstar I’d like to know them. Great song.