When I'm really lonely, I go to a good used book’s Instagram. I look at strangers holding their new books and wonder if maybe one of these strangers could be my person. Could they love me? Could they be coming home to me with their new copy of Fahrenheit 451 in tow? Is this someone I could talk about the newest Constance Debre novel with? Is this someone who might think I'm beautiful? Lately it feels like my life is filled to the brim with strangers. Strangers I feel like I’ll never get to know, but who I know. This city has made me lonely, and the loneliness has turned me into a voyeur. I’ve been so lonely lately that I'm finally ready to not be. 

I live in Los Angeles, the city of dreams. Where magical things happen every single day, I have a dream that one day something magical will happen to me. I dream that one day someone will see me. That they will go out of their way and tell me that they see me. That they think I'm beautiful, that I am someone they want to know. 4 days a week, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, I go out in the world hoping that today's gonna be the day. While I'm out walking, someone is gonna see me. It hasn't happened yet, but I still leave the house 4 times a week with the naive hope that today's gonna be the day. 

I saw my LA crush today. I think she is the prettiest girl in all of LA. She’s someone I want to know. She works at this bar where my friends and I watch football, and lately I've been seeing her at the gym. I'm shy and often nervous and always felt it's in poor taste to ask women out on the job or while they're on the StairMaster. I always imagine if I ever catch her in the real world, I’d ask her out like alica keys asked out Mos Def in the You Don't Know My Name video. I’d be brave and tell her I think that she's the prettiest girl I’ve seen since I moved to LA, and I love that she's always got on a fly blue suit and that her cufflinks are always shining and that I don't usually do this, but she's someone I have to know. I wonder if she ever sees me?

ML Buch stood on stage last night, lit like an angel, and said, " And I give you the hug of a sister, and I tried with all my might not to cry. I ended up in that crowd thanks to a girl I know from around the neighborhood. I needed to be there. I needed to hear those songs in a room full of people. I told her that, but I didn't say that what I needed most was the way she looked at me when she said goodbye. She looked at me like she knew me even though we're strangers, even though I don't know her last name, and she doesn't know mine. For a moment, if only a moment, I felt close to her. People think I want love, romance, a girlfriend. All I really want is to be really close to somebody. 

• Working it out by ML Buch: Even better live. If you have a chance go see the show. See how alive this songs are.
• Offenses by Constance Debré: She see the world in truth not in denial. This is a must read in my opinion 
• As Good As It Gets Directed by James L. Brooks: i recently got rid of my real tv and got a tv with a vcr built in. I’ve watched this movie on loop for the past two weeks and it only get better each watch.